WHITE ROSES

12 years ago I was turning 20 .

My birthday wishlist included a lime green  leather camera bag with a small flower on the corner and fresh tulips. . .
CIRCA 2009

I loved tulips once upon a time.

We never had money leftover after bills and my mom ended up surprising me with the camera bag.

Jason handled the flowers.
We went out somewhere pretty simple to eat (maybe Ale House) and it was lovely.
& I never wanted anything more.

This year my wants are slightlyyyyy different.
But times have changed. . .

Yesterday Jason texted me a photo of some shoes he thought I’d want and I’d honestly hoped it was a joke >> >
(( though deep down, I knew good and well it wasn’t))
IMG_1342

Sure, TWELVE  years ago I’d probably have asked for a fresh pair of dockers, to wear with a pink Abercrombie polo on a night out. . .

But I’ve come a longgg way since then.

((note** after hundreds of women on Instagram told me these are the most comfortable shoes ever I showed my husband but also assured him if I want COMFORT then I am a BIRKENSTOCK kind of girl and he’s already covered nearly every color in holidays of years past, so we’re all good there))

I mean. . .
I’ve changed so much,
but he truly, he hasn’t, not really and obviously in his eyes, I haven’t changed that much either.

This year we’re headed to an all inclusive, adults only trip to Mexico. . .

It’s for my birthday, his birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and our anniversary all in one, since they all occur within a few weeks of each other.
I’ve planned every detail and will also pay for it most of it ahead of time . . .

I’ll drag him to get his passport, plan child care for our four kids and select all the excursions that I will then also drag him on.

&&&& It will be AMAZING.

Still, he knows good and well although the trip will be the celebration,
but I still expect some kind of flowers or a card or at LEAST ONE thoughtful gift, on each of the above holidays> >

&&&  without a doubt, one of those surprises  would have been the odd-looking, rubber-bottomed, close toe-d nurses looking shoes’ that he’d sent me

((if I hadn’t nixed them within milliseconds of him sending them that it was a solid NO))

In a perfect world I’d have said “sure babe if that’s what you want to get me!” and he’d ask if I really wanted them or if I was just being nice and I’d have lied and said I liked them.

Then he would order them and I’d wear them and he’d ask if they were the comfiest shoes in the world, and I’d say yes.

I wouldn’t wear them for a while and he’d ask where they were or if I didn’t really like them.

So then I’d wear them on occasion just to make him feel good. . .

I did that once.
((as soon as he reads this he’ll ask me which pair!))

But I’m far too old for that now.
&& I wore them until the bottoms wore off of them > > >

Truth be told, he’s the absolute worlds worst gift giver.

HOWVER

I’ll follow that up by saying he far exceeds most expectations in nearly EVERY other department in our relationship.

His car cleaning / repairing abilities.

His keeping a clean house and cooking dinner abilities.

His home maintenance and lawn care abilities.

Two summers ago he replaced all the led lights in our pool himself after he saw the bid and just last week he pulled up all the carpet in Joe’s room & replaced the padding underneath after Jesse flushed an Easter egg down the toilet and flooded the right side of our house. . . never contacted anyone to help him > > >

Most recently I watched him crank, by hand a 5,000 lb jeep wagoneer onto a trailer in the mid afternoon heat, using nothing but muscle and a come-along-cable which to be honest, lived up to the name.
((His bedroom game is pretty unmatched too))
> > >

But unfortunately, at the end of the day, he married a woman whose main love language is gifts, and it’s almost divorced us on more than a few occasions.

I always LOVE white roses.

I love the simple romance.

Their classy.

Timeless, yet  not always super easy to find.

The store typically has red.

Yellow.

Pink.

But white and cream are harder to score.

He’ll tell you it’s why he never buys fresh flowers.

Today when I pulled up I noticed the rose bushes he drove into the ground last summer are blooming….

I’ve never seen ones so lovely and honestly I don’t know that I’ve ever wanted to photograph the flowers in my own yard.

I remember him telling me how much he hated all the white plants I buy every single year, because they always just die & how sweaty he was as he bitched that “our ground is the hardest, driest ground in all of Santa Rosa county” and something about how he “loved working out in the heat all damn day just to come home and dig holes in the middle of the afternoon”

 >>>but still he did it.

Today I hopped out of my car as the vehicles in front of our house flew by going 70mph.

I had to capture it.

Not only are there white roses here at our home but I noticed all the ones at the farm are blooming too.

This time last year I doubted anything would live.

8 years ago I’d have never imagined that my life could be this beautiful.

& while so much has changed in many way,

it’s very much the same.

I still love to spend.

He still loves to save.

I love birthdays and he wishes celebrations never existed.

We both love a good steak & grown up time.

But today these blooms were proof that sometimes waiting it out, really is worth it.

I’ve wanted to give up a hundred times.

And he’s deserved to give up on me at least double that.

“I just don’t understand why you want to share stuff like the shoes I sent you, that you hated, with the world. Like why does anyone care? Why do you even care?!”

& this was my reply.

Because it makes me feel heard.

& understood.

& not alone.

Because even though he’s an incredible human, sometimes I feel misunderstood, or worse, irrelevant.

Because aren’t some flowers are better than no flowers?!?!

And aren’t memory foam shoes are better than no gift at all?!?

But then I remind him I’m the same girl who threw away tie dyed flowers 14 years ago when we lived in a low income apartment because they were the ugliest, cheapest flowers the grocery store had, and I told him right then, that if he couldn’t find white roses, it was best to not buy any flowers at all. . .

& he told me I was the biggest bitch in the world and he swore that he’d never ever buy me flowers again and I told him he was the world’s worst procrastinator and that he’d had weeks to order a cheap dozen white roses, or perhaps try another grocery store >>>

but then he said he thought I liked wild flowers and I said I did, but not these,

because these were tie dyed daisies and I’d literally rather him pick some wild flowers off the side of the road then buy me those ever again >>>

and he said he didn’t get me and I told him he probably never would,

and basically what I am saying is,

some things never change.

But then they do.

They really do.

Here’s a quick pic of the roses.

they’re amazing.

It’s only three bushes and it’s terribly uneven on both sides but I don’t even care. I love them so so much.

And if you see them, I hope you know it took more than 14 years for me to get them and so if you see me outside, on the side of quintette just admiring them, simply give me a honk while simultaneous saying a prayer for my husband.

He’s going to need it to make it through the next few weeks of celebrations >>

 Xx

J

white roses by Jordan Burchwhite roses by Jordan Burchwhite roses by Jordan Burchwhite roses by Jordan Burchwhite roses by Jordan Burchwhite roses by Jordan Burchwhite roses by Jordan Burch

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