MAGIC MIXIE 2021 AND THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS by JORDAN BURCH

CHRISTMAS 2021

The magic of the mixie, or lack thereof.




Santa didn’t come until after 1AM > > >

I know this because #dearjason and I went to bed around 1AM and he hadn’t stopped by yet, so it must have been within the next (3) hours because the kids burst into our bedroom at 4AM, ecstatic it was Christmas and seemingly well rested.

Being the good wife I am, I whispered > > >
“I’ll go and try and get them back to bed, you just rest ” as my snoring husband covered his face back with his pillow.

When I entered the living room, the magic was undeniable.

A new computer chair, laptop bag, cast iron pan for smothering ribeyes in butter and a few gift cards, for Jackson.
A new pink computer chair, a pink desk, fidgets and more for sis.
A new xbox, a headset, a soccer ball & robucks for Joe.
A new bike, a train and the 2021 most coveted gift of the year (followed closely by the PS5) THE MAGIC MIXIE sat waiting for Jesse.




The stockings were overflowing with all kinds of treats & sissy quickly noticed that Santa even snagged the weird marble glass bottle drink she had enjoyed in ramen shop inn NYC.

Yes, it was a lot to take in > > >
& was very exciting. . . still I attempted > >>

“Hey guys, I know it’s all very exciting, but how about we go back to bed for a few more hours and then we will wake back up and do all of the other presents” I pleaded. . . honestly thinking they may consider it.
Sissy spoke up “No way mom. They have been asking me to wake y’all up since midnight and  I have kept them in bed as long as I can ” she groaned . . .

“WAKE UP JASON”
I yelled from the sofa.
“THEY’RE NOT GOING BACK TO BED”

Once he meandered in what felt like hours later, the kids began to carefully dissect their Santa piles & their stockings.

Jesse asked to do his magic mixie at approx 415AM, which was the same time Jackson ate a cricket, Joe asked to use his robucks for what would be the first of many times and Juliana cracked her Japanese soda open.

Jason and I laid lifelessly on the sofa, half-watching, half sleeping.

The kids quickly moved on to the tree, where they tore through their perfectly-wrapped-gifts that had been sitting under the tree  as my decor for the last week, and by 6AM they were all finished and ready for their first breakfast of the day.

Jackson cooked up French toast sticks in his new air fryer while Juliana took on the very important and tedious job of the magic mixie with Jesse.
Jason asked us to wait, while he made sure Jackson knew how to operate his new kitchen gadget, but the excitement was too much to stand.

There were approximately 8 steps, and so I watched/supervised with my camera that every step was done correctly, while Juliana and Jesse began their “witchcraft” as Jackson called it.

Step 1. Pour the magic potion, tap the wand three times.

Step 2. Put in the magic star, tap three more times.
Step 3-8 were kind of a blur but Juliana being the best big sis she is,  made sure Jesse did exactly as instructed and only tapped 3 times.

We sat for what felt like an hour and aside from a few random noises and flashes of light, nothing else happened.

Jason started to pipe up from the kitchen.

“If y’all would have waited for Daddy to finish, I would have helped make sure y’all did it right”
“We did it RIGHT DAD” sissy shouted back, annoyed.

“I doubt it” he said “I know how everyone but daddy likes to skip over instructions but daddy”

He had now waged war on our entire family. . . and it was only 7AM.


My cellphone kept recording the underwhelming excitement of  Jesse staring blankly at his “non magical mixie”, while in the background Jackson asked for help to find the  nonexistent tongs that were needed to flip his French toast sticks over, along with Joe Douglas begging for someone to PLEASE load his ROBUCKS to he could start spending them on God only knows what and me mumbling about how selfrigheous my husband was acting on Christmas Day assuming he is the only one capable of following the “8 steps” on a toy designed for kids under 12.

He stripped the instructions that had been perfectly unfolded from the dining table and retreated to his leather recliner to see where exactly we’d gone wrong. . .
It didn’t take him long.

He read  out loud, in that sarcastic voice of his that tends to haunt me in my dreams
 “ IT SAYS, BEFORE STEP ONE, TO MAKE SURE THAT THE MAGIC MIXIE IS REMOVED FROM THE BOX AND CHARGED FOR 60-90 MINUTES”

Sissy and I glared at him, then each other, knowing we had unintentionally ruined the baby of our family’s MOST EXCITING CHRISTMAS PRESENT.


There his magic mixie sat, the only thing he’d truly asked for, filled with water, 18 potions, 21 taps of the magic wand and every single ounce of Christmas Spirit we had left. & IT WAS RUINED


Jason continued to mumble to himself about how we always skip steps, don’t read instructions, don’t follow directions and more > > >
while the rest of us began to eat Jackson’s freshly prepared French toast sticks that he’d decided to “skip” flipping halfway through because we didn’t have proper kitchen tools.
Afterwards we had all but completely disassembled the magic mixie, which was now dripping it’s contents all over the dining table, as we tried to remove it from the box and plug it in to charge.

It would certainly be a miracle if anything, mist or a creature appeared out of the cauldron once properly charging.
But it was $70 and I wasn’t about to toss it as a wasted cause without following the step, that was listed in italics, prior to doing step one that sissy and I had somehow missed.

It charged for nearly 9 hours, while we rage cleaned, drank 981 cups of coffee, loaded approximately 7,000 ROBUCKS to Joe’s xbox, threw away 79 amazon boxes, took a well deserved but underwhelming 2 hour power nap, prepped a large Christmas dinner. I even managed to change out of my Christmas PJS into my new SKIMS pjs and brush my hair, apply under eye concealer and perfume so my kids would hopefully remember their mom how I actually wanted to be remembered on Christmas Day, ((at least for Christmas dinner)) since up to that point, I’d been a walking zombie with a matted weave.

Before sitting down, we decided to set the magic mixie back on the dining table and repeat the steps (without the potions) to see if the magic would come.

Jesse happily poured his empty potions back into the cauldron, and tapped like a pro.
 
Sissy and I glared at each other while Jason sipped his miller light in the living room, waiting to gloat in our failure.
It made lots of noise, flashed random colors.

But nothing happened.
Still, we watched and waiting.

Jesse decided to tap some more and at this point, we let him play it like a drum, seeing it as a lost cause, when finally, we heard a noise that we hadn’t.
“Turn the lights off” Jackson yelled “Let’s see if we can see any mist”
The lights went off, and my ISO went up.
The cauldron turned pink, then purple, and then a sea of rainbow lights flooded the dimly lit dining room.

Then, like something out of a fairytale, the magical mist started to rise. . . 


All of the kids gathered in excitement.
“IT’S HAPPENING” sissy squealed ! ! ! !
Jesse was ECSTATIC.


Jason peeled his legs from our leather recliner, where the Florida temps had helped “stick” them, grabbed his beer and  wandered over to see the magic for himself.
“THERE IT ISSSSS” sissy yelled, peaking over the side of the cauldron. . .
“It needs assistance” Jason laughed, heading to the kitchen for hand towel.

“After being stuck in the canal for the last few hours, daddy is going to have to help remove it” and I secretly prayed Jesse’s magical mixie wouldn’t be born missing limbs after watching Jason RIP it from the cauldron with his bare, boozy hands.

Then it was there, and we were a family of 7.

We’d done it.

Jesse cradled his new baby, that he’d named “batman” after his favorite toy he had opened what felt like days earlier, and we all relaxed that Christmas hadn’t been ruined after all.
((though deep down, I never worried because I knew I had a backup mixie in a container in the garage that I’d saved secretly as backup incase anything happened with the first))

We sat down to dinner.

Jesse in only a Christmas pj shirt, covered in potions and his tighty-white-ies.

Joe, in only Christmas pj pants, which I assume were the ones Jesse had taken off because they were approx 8 inches too short. . . 


Juliana in a purple lounge set she’d changed into while we were napping. . .

Jackson in a nike shirt, still sporting his matching pj bottoms.

Jason in his tee and basketball shorts, and me, now in my favorite new white SKIMS set, featuring a now “sold out online” shorts and tank, with a matching robe, some fresh makeup and my Tory Burch perfume, because I was too tired to find and  open my new Chanel perfume that was buried deep somewhere in the sea of wrapping paper, boxes and several loads of neglected clean laundry on our bedroom floor.

Jesse refused to eat anything but a few bites of chicken, which was actually jalapeño infused smoked turkey, cooked perfectly by my husband who never ever skips any steps.

Joe ate two helpings of my sweet potato casserole, that was more like dessert, but made me feel good about myself & my baking skills, that he loved it so much.

Jackson skipped the ham, enjoying his dad’s smoked turkey more than anyone, and also finishing off all of the sister schumpert rolls.

Sissy ate all of momma’s (two sticks of butter, pre-skinny Paula Dean recipe) mashed potatoes, and eagerly left room so that we could  do her fondue kit she’d received, with the turtle recipe from Melting Pot after dinner, for Christmas dessert.

I ate two bites of everything, which made my plate match Jesse’s, and looked as if I hadn’t even touched it, while Jason ate multiple plates of everything, except his grandma’s stuffing recipe which I’d failed to cook because I honestly I totally forgot about it, along with all of his stocking stuffers of car cleaning supplies, still in the backseat of my car.

But it was all magical.
& I want to remember it, for as long as I live.

From the “decor” of the perfectly wrapped presents, to the failed first attempt of the magical mixie.

The  magic of my husband washing all the dishes without hesitation,  assembling all of the toys, perfectly, even if not wearing matching pjs. . . or pjs at all & how pretty he made me feel in my PJS (both sets), offering multiple advances throughout the day & late evening, even despite our exhaustion.

How Joe, first thing in the morning, stopped opening his own toys, to use his “super-big-brother” strength to rip into his little brother’s spaceship toy, so he could enjoy it.

How Juliana so delicately followed each step of the mixie, and our shared disappointment at missing the “before you start” paragraph that truly should have been highlighted, or if we are being completely honest, shouldn’t even exist, for a toy that cost $70,I mean, come on!  Just charge the damn thing before selling it, like apple does!

How Jackson was so excited to cook but didn’t, because his dad was already spending every minute cleaning from the chaos of Christmas, and he didn’t want to be another one on his list of mess makers.
& how he asked for a trapper keeper, new pencils, airbuds and nikes, but spent all Christmas day playing a toy he hadn’t played with since last Christmas (his occulus)

How ironic it was when Jesse unintentionally almost shot Joe’s eye out, whilst watching the Christmas story with a “super” nerf gun that would have certainly resulted in a law suit, had it in fact been aimed 3 cm to the left and hit Joe square in the retina, vs the corner of his eye. . .  resulting in only some tears and mild swelling. Thankfully Santa had knowingly put “boo boo”  ice packs in the boy’s stockings and we quickly recovered > > >

How I got three gifts from the kids, all candles & nearly all of my other gifts from friends and family were centered around writing and stress relief.
But now, it’s over.
& this is all that is left of.


So now, I’ll drag myself into the shower, simply to use the uber expensive hairdryer (in silver) my husband somehow scored, just because I know how happy it will make him, to see me using it.
((being naked will obviously make him happier))

I’ll spritz on the new COCO perfume, which will no doubt have all of us sneezing the entire ride to church, where my two youngest children, who haven’t slept in nearly 48 hours will act like complete nut jobs.

I’ll hold my husband’s hand on the ride home,  where our kids will fight non-stop.
Then we will come home, hopefully clean the house again, eat some delicious left overs and take another long, much needed nap together.

Christmas may be over, but the magic isn’t all gone.
& I am thankful it typically lasts all year long around these parts.

I hope all of you reading this had the greatest year yet, and if not, I hope you know it’s out there, waiting for you, maybe next year, or the year after.

Or maybe it’s already passed, but lives on in your memories, like this year will for all of us.

& while I hope this wasn’t our most magical year,
if it was, it will have been enough.


I am so overwhelmed with love and happiness and fullness that I can’t really explain it to all of you,
but can only hope that it overflows from me and reaches you, with love, and hope of even better days to come, wherever you are.


Merry everything, to all of you
(except the dumbasses who package the magic mixies without charging them)
All of my love, from me and all of mine,
OX

JB

Big Brother SUPER strength
What Christmas looked like at 4AM
My husband will read every page and skip NOTHING in an instruction manual.
He will also skim over this entire blog post without hesitation.
Joe is a king amongst kings in the ROBLOX world, apparently.
#dearjason got up after this photo and drank his coffee in the dining room because he literally couldn’t stand looking at the mess,
Meanwhile, astronaut police officer Jesse pretended it was another space world for his rocketship
If there was one face for this Christmas, and how we felt about the magic mixie, sissy embodies it, here.
Santa brought this for Jesse but Jason wouldn’t let anyone touch it but HIM
Not surprisingly, Joe was extremely good at this game
When you just want to play conductor with your train but your dad won’t let you > > > >
Jesse didn’t understand that gift cards = pick your own toys.
he HATED gift cards
Magic Mixie = attempt (2)
I love her protecting him because the instructions stated “don’t let the mist get in your eyes”
the magic of the mixie
IT MADE IT! ALL IN ONE PIECE ! ! !
<3
watching “dad’s train” is fun too
Until next year, Christmas ! ! !

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