the world has been wild lately.
actually, it’s been wild for while now.
it almost feels normal.
remember when it was (2) weeks, to slow the spread.
then 6 months.
now here we are a year later, lives forever changed.
somethings never change though.
when I was in the 6th grade I made a new boyfriend.
he was the coolest.
it wasn’t until my “friend’s” birthday party half way through the year though, that I realized what a gal will do, to get what she really wants.
((I know, shocking it took me until 6th grade right!?))
said friend, had a party at her house.
her dad was a big wig at a big company.
her mom, was a quintessential stay at home wife / mom
I remember her older sister, who must have been nearly graduated had plastic wrap around her armpits.
She’d just had some expensive treatment done to prevent sweating. or something like that.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a middle school (house) party, but they’re pretty hormonal.
lots of “hoping” to play spin the bottle, or sneaking holding hands during a movie.
or that’s how I remember it.
well, my said friend, decided she was really sad.
and she wasn’t having a good time. (it was her party after all)
& I remember my (new to me) boyfriend, being asked to join her, privately, in her room, with just her, and her mom, and her really really close friend.
the rest of us, should wait outside. . .
it was so strange to me.
but here I am, so many years later, hosting a birthday party, (WITH NO BOYS, THANK GOD) but the drama still remains.
girls, are girls.
I was (and still am) the kind of girl who is so sure of herself, that she doesn’t often realize how uncomfortable it can make others.
I learned the hard way that being so confident wouldn’t be welcomed by most women / wives / moms / girls I came to know.
Confidence and self love is almost frowned upon.
How, could I, a 12 year old girl, not realize that the party I was at so many years ago, wasn’t in fact about me at all!?
No one cared I was in love with a dream boat I’d just landed a few parties back, and that I’d worn a shirt with a tiny red cherry on it with new lip gloss in hopes of impressing him. . .only for him to be pulled away from me, because I was ruining the actual birthday girl’s party?!
let’s move on to the real issue.
God didn’t give me, a ME.
that would have been too easy.
I’d have just given her a pat on the back and sent her on her merry, happy, super un-aware way > >>
he gave me, a JASON.
she is the sweetest, softest thing in the entire world.
& it will very well be the death of me, or the highlight of my lifetime, to raise her into a HAPPY full grown woman.
she questions everything.
whether people like her.
whether she fits in.
whether she was nice enough.
whether she hurt someones feelings.
and she feels EVERYTHING.
((she does get that from me at least))
this weekend, her party was somewhat of a flop.
she learned the hard way that 10 girls in one confined area for more than a few minutes is almost unbearable.
naturally, girls grouped up.
some asked to spend the night.
some left early.
one, out of the ten had enough confidence for all of them.
& while I loved her for it, it was a new kind of hell, watching mine take a back seat to her confidence.
most too scared to dance, one was not.
& when the others did dance, they felt less than, in her presence.
my own included.
the lesson here was a hard one.
being a mom is for the MF birds.
I could never be the mom who pulled all of the kids away, and sheltered mine from whatever I could.
I knew it wouldn’t do her any good later in life. . .
and also because I knew what it felt like to be purposefully excluded for standing out.
incase you didn’t know, confident girls have feelings too.
but then, I had my precious daughter, who felt as if she was playing mediator at her own party between this set of friends and her friend who was simply there to have the time of her life, completely unaware that everyone else wasn’t doing the same.
there is no winner here.
no parenting book to say DO THIS. DON’T DO THIS.
just a life lesson.
You simply can’t be perfect.
It’s impossible to be too confident.
& it’s impossible to be too thoughtful, and observant.
but they are each with their own set of consequences.
truth is, pandemic or not, we are simply all just doing the best we know how, until we know better.
the best we can do, is CHOOSE to be happy
despite if the girl beside us is dancing. . .
or crying. . . .
it’s the only thing we have control over.
not the music
not the guest list
not the cake
the friends. . .
our being HAPPY.
that’s all we have.
& it’s of the upmost importance.
and so this is what I told her > > >
you will make & lose many “friends” these next few years . . .
you will also lose a ton of homework.
you won’t get parts in dances that you deserve and worse than that, sometimes you may get parts you don’t.
it will rain on your birthday.
you’ll often feel let down.
but you’ll also be happier than most, most of the time.
people will tell you you’re too much.
&& they’ll also tell you you’re not enough.
but hey girl.know this.
you are ABSOLUTELY everything.
all of the good.
all of the not so good.
& every bit of it, makes you the most compelling sister girl, I have ever known.
it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, as long as you KNOW who you are > > >
let the rest be.
worrying about you, is more than enough > > >